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Vote for G Again...

I know you've done this in the past but I need your help again.... this is a MUCH bigger deal. G has a chance to be on the cover of Parents Magazine!!! You can vote for her here. You can vote once a day until Saturday!! :-)

http://photos.parents.com/category/vote/id/7/w/23/y/2010?page=598&

Gone... but not too far

I've moved Blogs. This blog was incredibly helpful during my TTC time and my pregnancy but I feel it is time for a new space. You can find me on http://gabsmommy.blogspot.com/ See you there! :-)

She WON!!!

Thank you for voting but Gab won!! I cannot believe it and I am so happy for her. It's funny, she is always SO smily but when I told her yesterday (yes I know she doesn't understand) she actually made kind of an irritated face. I think she was just sad that I was talking and not giving her big hugs and kisses like I usually do as soon as I get to daycare. Someday she will appreciate it!! Thanks again for voting. Click here to see her winning photo on the site now.

Vote for G!!

Today G was chosen by the editors of thebump.com and shutterfly.com as one of the top five finalists out of more than 600 in the baby's first smile contest. You can go here and see the finalists and vote. I am so proud of my baby! I always knew she was cute :-)

VACATION and SNOW?!

Hooray for vacation! Vacation began yesterday for us and in true fashion, we kept plenty busy. It was nice to spend the whole day with DD and I hadn't realized just how many things she's learned until I spent the whole day with her. Sure I've seen her doing baby pushups and starting to grab and pass things back and forth between her hands, but I was able to fully appreciate it yesterday. I truly cannot get over how amazed I am with her- it doesn't help that other people are as well....

Looking forward to a fun week with lots of walks, and play time we woke up this morning to SNOW on the ground. Yes, I DO live in Maine but it's APRIL for goodness sakes, and AFTER TAX DAY!! What IS mother nature thinking?? Just last sunday DH was wearing shorts and now we have to get out the hat and mittens again? Thankfully it looks like it will melt pretty quickly but so much for our walk this morning, maybe we will have to go walking at the mall.... and perhaps stop by Babies R Us and get the food processor I want. DD is going to try solids on Sunday, her 5 month birthday!! :-)

Terrific Tuesday!

I haven't done a Terrific Tuesday post in quite awhile but today is so terrific, how can I not?!

Well for one thing, it's the 13th of the month- notoriously our lucky day. I had a personal day, got done my typing for a major paper, got the paper mailed, ran errands I've had to do for quite some time. After that I was able to pick up the baby early, we went and got her birth certificate, played some games. Now she's snoozing a little. Tonight DH has a friend coming over to play, the plan is baby down for bed at 7:30, then off to get Thai food for LOST and tonight is a HURLEY episode!! I've been waiting for this one since the start of the season.

Can Tuesday really get more terrific than this?? Oh yeah, and 2 more days of work before V*A*C*A*T*I*O*N!!

Daycare Vent

First I want to begin by saying I LOVE G's daycare. They are so sweet there. Take excellent care of here, are always happy to talk with me when I call and indulge me when I am worried about something even if it is a sniffle. I couldn't be happier.... well that's not 100% true because then I wouldn't have a vent but I promise this is it.

I am a teacher. We have a few more vacations than the average joe. It's the perfect mom job. Well during our interview I *thought* I heard the lady say, you do have to pay us for school vacations but we expect you to keep her home. I thought, no big deal, I DO intend to keep her home, I might send her one day a vacation so I can get some things done but ABSOLUTELY I want to keep her home. Well we have vacation next week and I have an appointment Thursday.... I have asked every week for the last month if they could tell me a day she could attend so I could schedule this. I hadn't heard so I just did it. Today I mentioned it again and they were wishy-washy again. I understand they let their afterschool kids come all day over break so their numbers are higher, but I am still paying for a full time slot and I can't even send her for 4 hours 1 day?!

DH and I talked about it and we view it like this... if we choose not to send her, then ABSOLUTELY we owe them money. No worries about that, but if they refuse to take her for an entire week do we really have to pay? I get their vacations 2 weeks a year, fine but it feels like I am being taken advantage of because I am a teacher. I already suffer with long hours and low pay, no budget, and this year no raise since we are in a contract issue and now I have to pay additional vacation weeks and I cannot send her?

I love them. I REALLY do. They take fab care of G but today I'm a little miffed about money. I see it from their pov but still. Am I totally off my rocker??

Sad mommy moment

Today was a sad mommy moment for me.... well mixed emotions but sad at the same time.

I can't get over how quickly my little girl is growing. It seems each day we hit a new milestone and have such little time to enjoy each precious moment. It's no secret that I was upset about having to go back and finish out the school year this year... but I had to, for our family. As you know G is on her second daycare and we LOVE it!! They are FABULOUS and take excellent care of her, and me! :-)

Well today I went to drop her off. Took her out of the infant seat and went to give her a hug and kiss bye and she started to whimper. Then M, her favorite caregiver came over and G rewarded her with a FAB smile. I was dissapointed but I leaned in to give her one last hug before handing her off and G leaned towards M with a HUGE smile on her face. IT was all I could do to not burst into tears. M smiled kindly and said "she's really happy here." I am glad she's so happy, I just thought I might have a little time before she was happy to go with other people instead of staying with me all the time. It was a sad mommy moment.

Of course tonight though G and I have had a terrific evening. We've played, laughed and cuddled and I am glad that she's in such good care when I cannot be there. Tomorrow I will be prepared when she shows daycare just how much she loves them, even if she forgets to show me how much she loves me.

Holidays Are Tough

Especially when you're married, and even more so when you have a baby. When DH and I first started dating, were engaged, and finally married, we ran ourselves ragged each holiday. We'd need to see my family, his mom, his dad, and quite often his memere. Those are 4 different stops. After we had 4 Thanksgivings one year I gave up.

We began hosting or scheduling family and last year, when we were pregnant, it was a lot easier (except Easter because DH threw a tantrum but other than that...). Now with the baby it's gotten near impossible. With all the invitations it's hard to say no, you cannot see your grandchild, cousin, niece, great-niece etc for a major holiday.

Right now DH is getting ready, G and I are sitting on the couch waiting for the loooong day ahead to begin. I do intend to put my foot down after this madness today is done and work out a schedule about how everyone can enjoy the baby but we can continue to keep our sanity.

Happy Easter!

A Day Off!

Today I have a day off from school which means I get to do my favorite job... being a mommy!!! My little boss had me begin at 5am but I loved it! We got to spend the whole day together, just she and I...

First we picked up the house, she snoozed while I finished, then off to get some Easter pictures done. We were meant to run errands but that didn't happen... instead we went to visit aunt K for lunch! Back home after lunch to clean some more; we are trying to sell our home and we have a showing tomorrow. :-)

The day ended with daddy coming home, dinner and bed. There really is no better job than being little G's mommy. And at 4 1/2 months it is SO much fun!!

Amazing

4 1/2 months is amazing. LOVE being a mom right now. G is sleeping through the night :-) And she is SO much more interactive. Her awake time is real quality time and I couldn't ask for anything more than the little family I have.

I've been back to work 4 weeks now and I finally feel like I have my class back in order and back to myself. Things are good at work, although I am still unsure what I will be teaching next year. No position at K or 1 for next year. Don't want to move to 2nd with this class again so am looking to move buildings.... we will see.

New daycare continues to work out great. I can't even say how happy I am each afternoon when I pick up DD. She is smily and giggly. The "teacher" who takes care of her knows her so well. She was telling me how DD likes to be put down for naps and it is SO true.

Everything is going amazingly well and I cannot begin to describe just how at peace I am with the world currently. I hope it continues... of course getting 6 straight hours of sleep helps! :-D

So Much Has Been Happening!

Well new day care is just amazing. Everyone there LOVES G and I don't even worry at all. Each time I call they talk with me about how she's doing and tell me funny stories from her day. When I go pick her up, she's smiling and even lets out a giggle when she sees me. G was with her auntie for 2 days and missed daycare... today she went back and they fussed all over her and told me how much they'd missed her when she was out. I feel REALLY good about new daycare and couldn't be happier that things have worked out.

Little G is now sleeping (mostly) through the night. She goes to bed by 8:30 and only wakes up once between 2 and 4 to eat... and she goes right back down. I then need to wake her at 6:45 so we can leave. (I've probably just jinxed myself!!) She is rolling over from tummy to back and back to tummy. She freaked us out one night when we went to check on her and she was tummy sleeping. Pedi says it's fine though, now she's strong enough to handle it.

G is using her jumparoo, sitting in a high chair (no solids yet), and becoming increasingly more mobile. She's my big grown up 4 month old baby now and I am so proud of her.

1 year ago today....

I got my first positive pregnancy test! (and my second) Then I called DH from the supply closet at school during breakfast on pajama day. And that afternoon was told I was having a miscarriage. Then on the 16th of March, 2009 I was told, that no, in fact there WAS a baby.

Right now I am looking at our little miracle snoozing next to me on the couch and am as happy as I can possibly be. We are so blessed, our little family.

Talking it out

Old daycare called yesterday when she didn't show up. I told them she had a drs appt (true) and that we'd call them later to let them know what's going on (not true). G had an awesome day at new daycare and each time I called, they didn't rush me off the phone and encouraged me to call again to see how she was doing.

Last night though I knew we had to let Old daycare know she wouldn't be in today as well... DH offered and I took him up on the offer. They asked why and he said he didn't want to get into it but that they should receive a letter tomorrow. The man said "so no notice and no payment." DH said just read the letter and we can talk about it if you'd like. Not even 2 minutes later both our cell phones started ringing.

I answered mine thinking I'd hang up if I got uncomfortable but it was the wife. She asked if I knew DH had quit daycare... of course I knew! And she hoped it was nothing they did. That's when I shared with her how uncomfortable I was with one provider there with all those children. She launched into a story about how terrible her health is (not helping your case!!) and how it was the last appointment of the day. I told her I understood and I do not begrudge her her health and know about needing to go to the dr but it wasn't a one off thing and reminded her how she took a pilates class during daycare hours with my mother in law! She protested that she could take those classes at night if that would be better....

I told her I need to look out for my daughter, we do not believe they held up their end of the contract and if they'd like to pursue the 2 week notice money they were welcome to. She told me she was going to let it go, kept telling me how sick she was and I simply told her, we like you as a person but I need to have G in a space that's safer at this point. What's funny though is she seemed most hurt that we lied on Friday when we gave our notice. I explained that we didn't want her to be mad at us and take it out on G and that we intended to have G stay there this week and honor half of our notice but I thought about it all weekend and just couldn't send her back.... especially when new daycare said they'd take her right away.

It didn't go the way I planned but I am glad it's done. Today they will get the letter with everything in writing that we discussed last night. I've contacted my friends who also attend this daycare to let them know exactly why we are quitting (my MIL didn't think it ok to tell them the truth!) and DH and I are wrestling with calling DHHS for the safety of the other children. I hate to do it but what if something happened to a child while there was one caregiver?? I am glad she and I talked it out and now I know that she understands why we're quitting.

Daycare Drama DONE!

*Hopefully*

We interviewed a daycare on Thursday and I spoke to two others Thursday and Friday. On Friday we called our first choice and they will take G starting MONDAY!!! Hooray! Did I fill you in on what happened at daycare last Friday?

Friday morning DH went with me to daycare. We decided we would tell them that we were giving one week's notice. When they asked why, we were going to say we couldn't afford it. We did this and the man was pretty upset. He cited the contract we signed saying that we agreed to give 2 weeks notice. Then he picked up the baby carrier and took her out of the room. DH and I left and I was in tears saying how I didn't get to say goodbye and didn't like the feeling I got when he took her out of the room. DH offered to take her to work for the day but that wouldn't be practical either especially with him still in his first 60 days with this company.

I had severe anxiety all day long and was thankful that I had a workshop day and it even got done early! I got to daycare by 2:30 and was never happier to see my princess. We left with a "see you Monday!" knowing full well that I would not let my child return to that daycare again.

Spoke to the other daycares that day and was waiting to hear back from #1 choice that afternoon. Phone FINALLY rang at almost 8:00 and they said they could start her Monday. :-) Relieved that she has a safe place to go that we are comfortable with. They are pretty much the complete opposite of first daycare... durring the interview didn't get into certain things, but I never doubted for a moment their love for the children they work with, and their passion for kids in general. When I spoke to owner/operator she said "You know, we're really excited to work with her, we kinda love her already." Just so relieved. And the best part is that she is literally 2 minutes from where I work!!

So daycare drama is done.... moving on to getting back to a normal routine. :-)

Daycare Drama Day 2

So G went back to her regular day care this morning. Everything was normal. I went to work much cooled down from Monday afternoon ready to call day cares and get going on our search. The day was busy but good I even taught drama after school like I usually do on Wednesdays. It was a busy day. Got to daycare to pick her up and was reminded why she's switching.

I got out of my car and could hear yelling. Something to the effect of "DON'T EVEN SAY ANYTHING. IF YOU DON"T WANT TO HELP THEN YOU CAN JUST BE QUIET!!!" I opened the door as usual and all fell silent. I couldn't tell if he was yelling at his wife or a child but either way, that's not what I want my child exposed to. He was much calmer by the time I came up the stairs and he handed me the baby while his wife talked with me about her day but the memory of his angry and loud voice still echoed in the room. It was not a pleasant situation. I was glad she and I were going.

I got home, thinking about the daycare thing and started feeding the baby. Phone rang, it was the daycare in the town I teach in and they want us to come interview tomorrow!!! I had hoped for a spot there when I was pregnant but they were full... now it looks like they can take on one more baby so I will chat with them tomorrow. Many of the other teachers send their children to this daycare so it comes HIGHLY recommended. Actually, my fabulous co-workers were going to bat for me because it's really hard to get in there. Crossing my fingers that it all goes well tomorrow and I can give notice on Friday!! Now the question is... I have to give and pay two weeks notice... do I send her those two weeks? :-/

Daycare Troubles

Daycare went great for about a week...

I don't know if I shared on this blog but before we sent G to daycare DH called to talk with them about her start date and one of the daycare providers was out and would call us back. I asked DH if that meant there was just one adult with all those kids... he of course didn't know.

I knew I needed to find out but I was afraid of the answer (yes I know, terrible mommy). I thought about it all weekend and was going to ask Monday but the opportunity presented itself...

I got to daycare at my regular time (4:15) and came through the front door as usual. D called down "Who's here?" And I called back "G's Mommy!" I went upstairs and there were at least 8 kids running around the upstairs not to mention my baby in his arms. Usually the second daycare provider is also there but she was no where to be found. So I asked.... Where is K? And he replied "She had a Dr appointment." I packed up G and we left. I called DH and was upset...the law in Maine says that 1 provider can have no more than 6 children at a time and no more than 2 of those children can be under 2 1/2. D had 8 kids and AT LEAST 4 of them are under 2 1/2... I was not happy. OH and my MIL shared with me that she thought it was weird because K took a class with her at noon time 1 day a week... she thought it was odd that K was at pilates pilates and not at daycare.

Today I began looking for new daycare. She had to go back there and will need to be there until we find something else but I am disappointed. THey are SO nice and EVERYONE past and present customers LOVE them. They've always had top ratings in safety... but they are out of compliance with the state regulations. Those regulations are there for a reason. What if something were to happen with only one provider there and I knew this was their practice and could have prevented it. So G is going to find a new daycare to attend.

But just because people are nice and others are willing to trust their children to them, doesn't mean that I have to be comfortable.... I need to do what's right for baby G and our family.

No Power Day and 100 Days Old!

Today is a big day. School and daycare are both closed due to no power! We've gotten TONS of rain over the last 2 days, roads are flooded and many people/businesses are without power.

Sadly I got up, showered, dressed, and dressed the baby before checking my cell phone or TV this morning. Oh well. Just after I learned I didn't have to go to work, daycare called and they're closed due to no water.... which is hilarious since it's rained for 2 straight days here! So Baby G and I are enjoying our first "snow" day together... I am tempted to go put my jammies back on so she can get the full experience of the snow day!

Also today Baby G is 100 days old. Time sure is rocketing by. My little lady has grown and learned so much over these last 100 days... she's "talking" laughing, rolling over, clapping, trying to creep, recognizing faces, turning towards our voices... my little lady is, as my first graders would say, "A-M-A-Z-I-N-G amazing!" Happy 100th day baby G!

Sleeping Through The Night

Yes folks, you read right. My dear, darling, amazing, fabulous little peanut slept through the night last night.

Yesterday was G's first day of daycare and it's no secret that it was tough for me. We know them but they're not family... it was tough leaving my baby with people who do not know her or love her. I went to pick her up at 4 and she was asleep literally before I buckled her in the car seat. She woke up as soon as we got home and she played for about 1 1/2 hours before getting fussy. We cuddled her, fed her, tried to calm her down but she was cranky pants for sure. I was starting to get myself ready for a long sleepless night.

At 8:30 I said "time for bed..." I fed her and she was asleep at 9. Put in her crib at 9:15 and I had to wake her up at 6:10 this morning. That is 9 hours folks!!!!!

I did not sleep through the night, I kept waking to check on her. I even stared at her for a few minutes at 4:00 because she has never missed a 4am feeding in all her life. She was ravenous at 6 but in a fantastic mood. We were able to play for a little while before leaving for daycare day 2.... Now day 2 is done and little G is already in bed.... let's see what tonight brings!

Thankful Thursday

I am thankful for...

The sleepy twins...

Exhausted after a long day of Baptism!

Time

Time is a funny thing... it goes so fast at times and so slow at others. This week has been lightning fast. DH asked me this morning what day of the week it was and I was sad to tell him Thursday. Last week, while I was working, the week crawled by. Each day felt like an eternity until I could get home to pick up little G then before I knew it, I had to leave for work again. This week is the same.... how it is Thursday already is beyond me!

Today is also special because little G is 3 months old today. That's 1/4th of a year. WOW!!! This morning we told her the story of her birth again and she smiled through the whole thing. She is becoming so much more expressive and interactive. Each day with her really is a new adventure. It will be hard to see her go to daycare but the good news is, I only have 15 weeks left of school (at the most) and this summer I will get to spend LOTS of time with her.... I will probably still work, but only 1/2 days which will leave my afternoons free to be with little G.... but that just means time will go by that much more quickly!

Daycare Visit

Today was our daycare visit. DH and I went before little G was born and met the owners which is how we choose this daycare. They've been in touch several times since G has been born and today was little G and mommy's visit to daycare to see it in action and introduce her to the kids before she begins next week.

It went as well as it could. The daycare is wonderful and comes highly recommended by everyone who has been there.. it's just not me. I was telling DH when he asked and I told him everything I disliked, that it could have been called Baby G's Perfect Daycare and I still would have found something wrong because it's just not me. I suppose there is still a chance I could win the lottery Wednesday or Saturday and get to stay home....

I know she'll be safe, well cared for and loved there. I really know that. I am just sad that I can't be with her all the time. Daycare is so lucky to get my fabulous, amazing, wonderful girl all day. I hope they know just how lucky they are.

Survived!

I survived my first week back at work. I know, I know, it's not like it's a jungle or anything challenging, but my first week away from my baby.... that was an emotional challenge that I'd dare Bear Grills to survive.

Monday was tough. I cried the whole way to work, and then I got mad. I am a teacher and my LTS (long term sub) had completely changed everything in my classroom. I was able to direct much of my emotion into getting things back in order. Baby G was with my mom Monday and I called lots while trying to balance my professional responsibilities with pumping and taking care of myself emotionally. Thankfully I have a supportive staff at work and everyone was great. Tuesday was better but not by much.... Wednesday was tough again because G was with her Godmother who had never babysat her before.... Thursday was great because my mom brought G to visit :-) And then Friday was a breeze knowing I'd be on vacation with her for a whole week!!

Ahhhhhh It was hard for sure, after break will be tough again because then she'll be at daycare and I won't be able to call on every break I have (at least not for too long!!). She and I are going over to the daycare on Tuesday so the other kids can meet her and I can see it in action.... here's hoping it goes well. But it's only 15 weeks and then I am on summer break and I can pull her out if I want. But I am sure it will work out fine, it's just another unknown for now.

But, I survived week one.... let's see how week two goes!

I survived!

My first day back at work. It was tough.... really tough. My mom picked her up this morning (she's at my mom's just this week since I have vacation next week.... she'll start day care the week after). I just needed my mom to take her and go... but my mom, being my mom dragged it out a little. I said "do you have everything you need?" and my mother replied "not a hug." Well I just needed to get it over with but I know my mom was being nice. She took her and that's when I fell apart. I cried pretty much the whole way to work, including at the Dunkin Donuts drive thru (not the first time I had a melt down at a DND drive thru but that's another story). People were calling and texting my whole way into work, which is nice to know people care, but I just needed to deal alone.

At work there were a mix of people who wanted to come by, talk about the baby and say how sorry they were I had to be there. Then there were the people who stopped by, welcomed me back, and said they'd come in and help if I needed anything. It was a nice balance. By 10:00 I wasn't crying anymore... and by 12 I had called the baby and was so happy to hear her cooing and just to get an update. My afternoon went much better than my morning. Tomorrow will hopefully be a little easier with things getting increasingly better as we get into a routine, plus, 4 days until vacation!

Achy Breaky Heart

I am not into country music, but my heart feels as though it is breaking tonight. I go back to work tomorrow. I am beyond upset and have spent the better part of the evening crying. I took a bath just so I could cry without my husband hounding me about what's wrong and how can he help? He can't help. Unless I can stay home or have a job where Miss G comes with, I cannot be helped at this point.

The hardest part is that we will have to go through this twice. I am going back Monday and this week she will be staying with relatives. I then I have a week of vacation which I will get to spend with her, but then real daycare begins so we'll have to go through this separation again. I don't know what will be harder, leaving her with my family or with daycare. You'd think leaving her with family would be easier, but I am not so sure....

Seriously, it feels like my heart is breaking. She's asleep next to me right now and I can't stop stealing glances at her. She's so wonderful and perfect and we wanted her so much.... it feels wrong to be leaving her after all the praying we did to have her in our lives. I know I'll be fine after a while, but it feels like the "life scale" which has always been tipped towards work, is now completely on the family side. I know I will find balance at some point but for now... I don't want to! So don't tell my heart, my achy-breaky heart, I just don't think it'd understand (why I have to go back to work)!

Barium Test

Today was Miss G's Barium test to see if her GI tract is alright. This comes after that scary night where she stopped breathing. We were referred to a pediatric GI specialist and he ordered this test. I was nervous going into it. The specialist's office said it may take a couple hours and explained she'd have to not eat after 5:00 this morning.

So my day began at 4:30 feeding her. Then what's the point in going back to sleep so I started getting myself ready for the day while she slept and woke her up at 6:30 so we could head to the hospital. The test, thankfully, only took about 15 minutes and she was good through it. She screamed most of the time when they took away the chalky mixture and afterwards she drank water and downed her bottle like a champ. The best part though was the Dr attending told us that she is totally fine inside and we just need to work with her specialist to treat the GERD and make her comfortable.

I am relieved that her anatomy is fine but still am worried about what happens if she has another stop breathing incident... particularly at night or even at daycare? My husband's cousin suggested an Angel Care monitor but I had always vowed I wouldn't be THAT parent who is paranoid all the time. I just know myself and I cannot handle that level of anxiety to have a monitor like that in the house.... but then the other part of me thinks.... but what if I do not have it, and something happens, and I could have helped her if I had that device?! Gosh parenting is not easy, that's for sure but perhaps it would bring peace of mind. I just know she's not moving into her own room until this is settled, treated, and we are confident that she'll be waking up each morning. So, the bassinet stays.

New plan... win the lottery!

So it's no secret I am having trouble thinking about going back to work. (see post below) I actually love my job but it just feels a million miles from where I am right now. I brought the baby in when she was 5 weeks old and I wanted to run away from there as fast as I'd arrived. The kids were all happy to see me, and I them, but it was a grim reminder of my having to leave my baby. She and I are going back this afternoon and I am going to meet with the woman who has been teaching my classroom and start planning for my return on Monday. I've been talking with my sub all along but this will be it. Although I start teaching Monday, I will begin working as soon as I am done this blog post.

The extra tears and emotion are really getting to DH. He just got a job with a nice raise and asked me if I thought we could now afford for me to take off the rest of the school year and I'd just start fresh in September. As nice as that would be, we can't. My job has the health insurance and we need health insurance with the baby. Also I'd be giving up almost half my salary and while we *could* do it, we'd have to buckle down and have no extras. Plus, who's to say that it would be any easier in September? She'll be doing a whole bunch of new stuff that I won't want to miss. So I have a new plan.... win the lottery and I can take off the remainder of the school year and buy private insurance or go on COBRA. What do you think? Wish me luck!

Back to work soon...

How can I leave this face? HONESTLY. (and that is so not even her cutest picture) I go back to work on Monday.... 6 days.... I cannot even imagine how that is going to work out for me. I've been extra emotional this week and I think it has to do with my impending return to work. Oh, I know she'll be fine. My first week back she's staying with family and then I have my February vacation. But after that, the first morning at daycare, I see being a real struggle for me. The daycare we've chosen is great. Amazingly clean, and the people are so sweet. They keep saying how blessed they are to have her. I know she'll be in good hands... they just won't be my hands and that's tough. I am trying to come to peace with the fact that even though they won't be doing things my way, it doesn't mean it is the wrong way.

When I was getting ready to give up control of my classroom to my long term sub I had some anxiety about that too.... her not doing things my way but you know what? It's good for the kiddos to see another style of teaching especially since I had 14/19 kids last year in kindergarten as well. When I went to check on them, they were just fine.

I know Miss G will be great and they'll take wonderful care of her, but darn, I am going to miss those little cheeks and her perfect toes, and her smile just after a burp and those little giggles she lets out while she's sleeping, and most of all I'll miss playing with her and cuddling her. We are in a nice flexible routine here and I just cannot imagine going back to my regular routine.

Great News! And Some Scary Days....

Great News!

On Thursday DH got a job! The day after he was laid off the owner of this company called him and asked him if he'd be interested in working for them. DH said he'd think about it and Thursday we went up there and he made DH an offer he couldn't refuse. What a relief for us to have him back to work (he starts Monday). Also he was offered a raise of a few thousand dollars and some great perks!! He was so psyched he was calling all our family to say he got a raise of $6000+ and I did the math.... over the unemployment he would have collected, it was a raise of $30,000+ He was even happier when he learned that! :-)

Scary News...

That same night we were really excited and were celebrating with carrot cake. DH fed DD a bottle whilst I pumped and DD fell asleep in his arms. He held her about 45 minutes after feeding her then passed her to me to get her dressed for bed. I got her dressed, picked her up for a snuggle and she stopped breathing. She got really rigid and turned bright red. I flipped her over and started hitting her on the back. It took about 5 seconds (which was an eternity) but mucus and milk came out her nose and mouth. She started to gasp for air and finally got her lungs full and let out an ear splitting scream. I was of course upset and we immediately packed her up and headed to the hospital. The hospital diagnosed her with Reflux and asked us to talk with our Pedi (which we had before about her reflux and the pedi didn't want to do anything about it). Home from the hospital around 3am, I didn't sleep at all that night watching her. What if she spit up again while sleeping and couldn't clear her throat then?? Seriously, what if we'd been sleeping.

I said to DH on the way home from the ER that "Miss G was just reminding us to appreciate her." He broke down in tears and replied "we appreciate her so much, she's our miracle baby. We were not supposed to have children.... we will never take her for granted."

Last night was another sleepless night watching her.... we're going to a specialist soon and she's now on baby Zantac. hopefully some more nights of sleeping and breathing will help me relax and get the rest I need... especially since DH begins work Monday and I go back in 2 weeks.

2 Month Shots

They are horrible. I do not use that word lightly, horrible. I cannot imagine anything worse. No I am sure that there are worse things that some children go through but thus far in my 9 week old baby's life that was the worst. She even had her tongue clipped in the hospital and that wasn't as bad as her two month vaccines.

Now I personally have a fear of needles and I knew the shots would be tough on me so I brought DH along. I was doing great at first and held the baby for her first shot and it was all going well, until she got stuck and SCREAMED. I don't mean cried, I don't mean wailed, I mean SCREAMED. You'd have thought someone was trying to murder her and for all she knew, the nurse was. I am sure I looked in shock because the nurse told me to pick her up. I stood there talking to my inconsolable baby for a few minutes until my husband took her away from me and laid her down for the next two shots.

We all survived, but it was close there for a minute (even DH looked shell shocked when it was done). I know she needs these shots, but man it was horrible. No shots though for 2 months... I've already told DH there is no option, he's coming with!

Bittersweet at 8 weeks...

This has been the toughest "birthday" for me yet. I've been dreading the 8 week mark not for a growth spurt, not because it puts me closer to going back to work.... no I was dreading the 8 week mark because to me it means she's all grown up.

Yes, I know that sounds slightly crazy but let me explain. When I was a child (yes a child) I always loved kids. I was THE babysitter in the neighborhood, taking the Red Cross babysitting course, starting out at age 9 as a mother's helper then 10 as a "real" babysitter. When I was 11 my neighbor had a baby boy. I had already babysat many times for her 4 year old daughter and I could not wait to get my hands on that baby!! Well they promised me when he turned 8 weeks old, I could take care of him. True to their word, when he was 8 weeks old, they went out to dinner and left myself and one of my friends in charge of the 8 week old baby and his sister.... Now my own baby is 8 weeks old and I CANNOT imagine leaving her with anyone besides my husband or one of our parents, let alone an 11 year old child.

So this morning at G's 4am feeding I cried for her being all grown up. I know she's still my little baby, but this was a big milestone for me.

G celebrated 8 weeks with her own milestone today- she rolled over front to back during tummy time! She was so excited she promptly threw up all over the couch. She's now sleeping off the excitement. I can't wait for her to wake up and roll over again. Here we go, step one in being mobile!

Just when things were going great....

2010 started off so much better than 2009. We were hopeful, our family felt complete, everything seemed to be going fine.... until DH came home last night. He was laid off. Yes, this will be a financial hit to us, I can pay most of the bills on my own but there are some loans he had before we were together that I cannot take care of, but more importantly it's a hit to our morale. It seems like we cannot get everything in our lives working great all at the same time.

He has already begun looking for something new, and this will save us having a daycare bill temporarily, but still, it will be tough. I have 3 1/2 more weeks of paid leave left and I will head back to work as soon as it runs out. I never imagined him being a stay at home dad (especially since I had to really work on him being a dad in the first place) but he's psyched about it and day one, he has taken over quite a bit of baby G's care. It will make my transition back to work easier I hope.... Well a bummer of a day, but hopefully things will begin to turn around soon.... they usually do for us, I just hope it doesn't take too long this time.

New Year's Goal #2

To do less, better at work. I have used work as an escape in the past. I've always (well with the exception of my first year) felt incredibly in control of my professional life and have always done as much as I can physically (if not always mentally) handle. Taking multiple classes, teaching at the college level, signing up for extra committees, working on curriculum, and serving as a mentor for both current and pre-service teachers. And I've done well with all those things, but I've been unable to throw all of me into all of those things.... for obvious reasons- there's only so much time and energy.

So my new year's goal #2 is to focus on a couple things that are really important to me, and to do those well. Quality, not quantity. I will continue being my grade span rep for the ELA committee, I will continue to help current and preservice teachers, and I will continue to be an active part of our PLC team(s). I will also make a commitment to be out of school by 4:00 at the latest at least 3 days a week. (By 3:30 on Fridays). My priorities have shifted in a big way now and I will no longer use school as my escape. I have everything I could ever want here at home, and I intend to enjoy my husband and daughter as much as I can. They are far more important in the long run than any committee I will ever serve on.

New Year's Goal #1

Last Wednesday was 6 weeks for Miss G so time for my 6 week post-partum check. I was nervous... who likes going to the doctor for an internal and to be weighed... not me but it had to be done. DH refused to be intimate (and it had already been since my birthday at the beginning of October!!) until we got the all clear from the doc due to my episiotomy and the stitches. First of all, baby G was an ANGEL during the appointment.... didn't even make a peep. That girl comes through when you really need her.

The good news is that everything was healing great and I was cleared to be off pelvic rest and back to my normal activities. Also the other good news was that I have lost all but 7lbs of the baby weight!! Honestly, I'd have been happy with having lost half especially with all the treats I had over the holidays but nope, 32lbs down 7 to go!! But I am not stopping there... I'd like to be about 10 lbs less than my pp weight and I figure if I keep nursing her and start to eat sensibly (read less holiday cookies and egg nog) then it should be a breeze!! Poor DH, once I got cleared for exercise he and I were going to have a biggest looser competition between the two of us, but it looks like I got more of a head start than either of us were thinking!

SO If I lost 32 lbs in 6 weeks... I am hoping that in 6 more I can be at least halfway to my new goal... so 9 more lbs. That's when I have to go back to work and that would feel AWESOME! New Year's Goal #1!