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I had recovered from the Target incident but have still been emotionally shaky this weekend. Went out to lunch with my mom this weekend and a pregnant lady gets sat next to us. My mom, I KNOW she was trying to be supportive, patted me on the arm and assured me "that will be you next Christmas honey." All I could do was nod.
It's like the closer that treatment gets the less emotionally stable I feel. I have had the luxury of living with the hope of these treatments working.... but what if they don't? I don't think I am ready for my hope to go away and to deal with disappointment and the obsession of testing every 28 days. I am just getting nervous that Clomid which we've been pinning all our baby hopes on, may not be the panacea that we are thinking it is...
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28 years old and nowhere near where I dreamed I'd be. Diagnosed with fertility challenges, the delay in having the family I've always wanted is forcing me to explore who I am as a woman, wife, sister, daughter, friend and more. If I can't be enough without this baby- how can I be enough for my baby?
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12 comments:
HUGS! Found your blog through ICLW.
I wish you the very best in your journey. Your target post brought me to tears, reminds me of E and I's trip to IKEA.
you really just have to take one step at a time. maybe clomid will work, maybe you will need a little something more? who knows. everyone is different.
*hugs* (iclw)
I'm over from ICLW and I have PCOS too. I just failed (miserably) my second clomid cycle. I'm hoping for better luck next cycle. This is a tough journey. I hope your road is smooth.
Today I went out to each lunch with my mother and the cutest little blond toddler stopped and stared and smiled at me for like a minute. Only my mother doesn't know how to be nice or supportive. I'v stopped sharing info with her. I glad your mother is supporting you.
I am so sorry to hear about your week, I am having a similiar one and just really ready for the whole holiday to be over.
I can totally understand where you are coming from.
((hugs))
K- ICLW
I hope you can find some peace. Thinking of you and sending you an extra hug.
Hugs,
-D *ICLW*
I found your blog from ICLW. I am a teacher as well. Through my pain of m/c and infertility I sometimes joke that I have 25 children at school to take care of, but I think it only makes people around me feel better about our struggle.
I wish you the best of luck!
Visiting from ICLW, sending you good thoughts on your Clomid cycle.
Hi! I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time. It's really hard this time of year because so much of it is geared towards families and not being able to make one just leaves you feeling inept. I hope the rest of the week goes well for you.
ICLW
I'm so sorry. The holidays are so tough for us infertiles. I hope we both are that PG woman sitting next to you next Christmas. ((HUGS))
ICLW.
Oh....I am so sorry. Life is really sucky unfair!
I hope that you are better able to handle emotions next time.
And I have somehow begun to desist comments that go - you will be p* by the next whatever! Can this be predicted? And if it can be...what are we going to docs for? I know it hurts, pinches and hits us close!
ICLW Trippin'!
{{{Hugs}}} and prayers for you. Its so hard to hope when that is all you have.
I;m glad your mom is trying to be supportive...even if it is in a awkward way.
It's so hard to deal with IF around the holidays...and then when you feel the pressure of wanting to make your parents into g-parents, well, that just ups the emotions. I'm sorry. But, I'll be sending positive thoughts your way that Clomid will be thing that does the job for you.
ICLW
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