No Power Day and 100 Days Old!

Today is a big day. School and daycare are both closed due to no power! We've gotten TONS of rain over the last 2 days, roads are flooded and many people/businesses are without power.

Sadly I got up, showered, dressed, and dressed the baby before checking my cell phone or TV this morning. Oh well. Just after I learned I didn't have to go to work, daycare called and they're closed due to no water.... which is hilarious since it's rained for 2 straight days here! So Baby G and I are enjoying our first "snow" day together... I am tempted to go put my jammies back on so she can get the full experience of the snow day!

Also today Baby G is 100 days old. Time sure is rocketing by. My little lady has grown and learned so much over these last 100 days... she's "talking" laughing, rolling over, clapping, trying to creep, recognizing faces, turning towards our voices... my little lady is, as my first graders would say, "A-M-A-Z-I-N-G amazing!" Happy 100th day baby G!

Sleeping Through The Night

Yes folks, you read right. My dear, darling, amazing, fabulous little peanut slept through the night last night.

Yesterday was G's first day of daycare and it's no secret that it was tough for me. We know them but they're not family... it was tough leaving my baby with people who do not know her or love her. I went to pick her up at 4 and she was asleep literally before I buckled her in the car seat. She woke up as soon as we got home and she played for about 1 1/2 hours before getting fussy. We cuddled her, fed her, tried to calm her down but she was cranky pants for sure. I was starting to get myself ready for a long sleepless night.

At 8:30 I said "time for bed..." I fed her and she was asleep at 9. Put in her crib at 9:15 and I had to wake her up at 6:10 this morning. That is 9 hours folks!!!!!

I did not sleep through the night, I kept waking to check on her. I even stared at her for a few minutes at 4:00 because she has never missed a 4am feeding in all her life. She was ravenous at 6 but in a fantastic mood. We were able to play for a little while before leaving for daycare day 2.... Now day 2 is done and little G is already in bed.... let's see what tonight brings!

Thankful Thursday

I am thankful for...

The sleepy twins...

Exhausted after a long day of Baptism!

Time

Time is a funny thing... it goes so fast at times and so slow at others. This week has been lightning fast. DH asked me this morning what day of the week it was and I was sad to tell him Thursday. Last week, while I was working, the week crawled by. Each day felt like an eternity until I could get home to pick up little G then before I knew it, I had to leave for work again. This week is the same.... how it is Thursday already is beyond me!

Today is also special because little G is 3 months old today. That's 1/4th of a year. WOW!!! This morning we told her the story of her birth again and she smiled through the whole thing. She is becoming so much more expressive and interactive. Each day with her really is a new adventure. It will be hard to see her go to daycare but the good news is, I only have 15 weeks left of school (at the most) and this summer I will get to spend LOTS of time with her.... I will probably still work, but only 1/2 days which will leave my afternoons free to be with little G.... but that just means time will go by that much more quickly!

Daycare Visit

Today was our daycare visit. DH and I went before little G was born and met the owners which is how we choose this daycare. They've been in touch several times since G has been born and today was little G and mommy's visit to daycare to see it in action and introduce her to the kids before she begins next week.

It went as well as it could. The daycare is wonderful and comes highly recommended by everyone who has been there.. it's just not me. I was telling DH when he asked and I told him everything I disliked, that it could have been called Baby G's Perfect Daycare and I still would have found something wrong because it's just not me. I suppose there is still a chance I could win the lottery Wednesday or Saturday and get to stay home....

I know she'll be safe, well cared for and loved there. I really know that. I am just sad that I can't be with her all the time. Daycare is so lucky to get my fabulous, amazing, wonderful girl all day. I hope they know just how lucky they are.

Survived!

I survived my first week back at work. I know, I know, it's not like it's a jungle or anything challenging, but my first week away from my baby.... that was an emotional challenge that I'd dare Bear Grills to survive.

Monday was tough. I cried the whole way to work, and then I got mad. I am a teacher and my LTS (long term sub) had completely changed everything in my classroom. I was able to direct much of my emotion into getting things back in order. Baby G was with my mom Monday and I called lots while trying to balance my professional responsibilities with pumping and taking care of myself emotionally. Thankfully I have a supportive staff at work and everyone was great. Tuesday was better but not by much.... Wednesday was tough again because G was with her Godmother who had never babysat her before.... Thursday was great because my mom brought G to visit :-) And then Friday was a breeze knowing I'd be on vacation with her for a whole week!!

Ahhhhhh It was hard for sure, after break will be tough again because then she'll be at daycare and I won't be able to call on every break I have (at least not for too long!!). She and I are going over to the daycare on Tuesday so the other kids can meet her and I can see it in action.... here's hoping it goes well. But it's only 15 weeks and then I am on summer break and I can pull her out if I want. But I am sure it will work out fine, it's just another unknown for now.

But, I survived week one.... let's see how week two goes!

I survived!

My first day back at work. It was tough.... really tough. My mom picked her up this morning (she's at my mom's just this week since I have vacation next week.... she'll start day care the week after). I just needed my mom to take her and go... but my mom, being my mom dragged it out a little. I said "do you have everything you need?" and my mother replied "not a hug." Well I just needed to get it over with but I know my mom was being nice. She took her and that's when I fell apart. I cried pretty much the whole way to work, including at the Dunkin Donuts drive thru (not the first time I had a melt down at a DND drive thru but that's another story). People were calling and texting my whole way into work, which is nice to know people care, but I just needed to deal alone.

At work there were a mix of people who wanted to come by, talk about the baby and say how sorry they were I had to be there. Then there were the people who stopped by, welcomed me back, and said they'd come in and help if I needed anything. It was a nice balance. By 10:00 I wasn't crying anymore... and by 12 I had called the baby and was so happy to hear her cooing and just to get an update. My afternoon went much better than my morning. Tomorrow will hopefully be a little easier with things getting increasingly better as we get into a routine, plus, 4 days until vacation!

Achy Breaky Heart

I am not into country music, but my heart feels as though it is breaking tonight. I go back to work tomorrow. I am beyond upset and have spent the better part of the evening crying. I took a bath just so I could cry without my husband hounding me about what's wrong and how can he help? He can't help. Unless I can stay home or have a job where Miss G comes with, I cannot be helped at this point.

The hardest part is that we will have to go through this twice. I am going back Monday and this week she will be staying with relatives. I then I have a week of vacation which I will get to spend with her, but then real daycare begins so we'll have to go through this separation again. I don't know what will be harder, leaving her with my family or with daycare. You'd think leaving her with family would be easier, but I am not so sure....

Seriously, it feels like my heart is breaking. She's asleep next to me right now and I can't stop stealing glances at her. She's so wonderful and perfect and we wanted her so much.... it feels wrong to be leaving her after all the praying we did to have her in our lives. I know I'll be fine after a while, but it feels like the "life scale" which has always been tipped towards work, is now completely on the family side. I know I will find balance at some point but for now... I don't want to! So don't tell my heart, my achy-breaky heart, I just don't think it'd understand (why I have to go back to work)!

Barium Test

Today was Miss G's Barium test to see if her GI tract is alright. This comes after that scary night where she stopped breathing. We were referred to a pediatric GI specialist and he ordered this test. I was nervous going into it. The specialist's office said it may take a couple hours and explained she'd have to not eat after 5:00 this morning.

So my day began at 4:30 feeding her. Then what's the point in going back to sleep so I started getting myself ready for the day while she slept and woke her up at 6:30 so we could head to the hospital. The test, thankfully, only took about 15 minutes and she was good through it. She screamed most of the time when they took away the chalky mixture and afterwards she drank water and downed her bottle like a champ. The best part though was the Dr attending told us that she is totally fine inside and we just need to work with her specialist to treat the GERD and make her comfortable.

I am relieved that her anatomy is fine but still am worried about what happens if she has another stop breathing incident... particularly at night or even at daycare? My husband's cousin suggested an Angel Care monitor but I had always vowed I wouldn't be THAT parent who is paranoid all the time. I just know myself and I cannot handle that level of anxiety to have a monitor like that in the house.... but then the other part of me thinks.... but what if I do not have it, and something happens, and I could have helped her if I had that device?! Gosh parenting is not easy, that's for sure but perhaps it would bring peace of mind. I just know she's not moving into her own room until this is settled, treated, and we are confident that she'll be waking up each morning. So, the bassinet stays.

New plan... win the lottery!

So it's no secret I am having trouble thinking about going back to work. (see post below) I actually love my job but it just feels a million miles from where I am right now. I brought the baby in when she was 5 weeks old and I wanted to run away from there as fast as I'd arrived. The kids were all happy to see me, and I them, but it was a grim reminder of my having to leave my baby. She and I are going back this afternoon and I am going to meet with the woman who has been teaching my classroom and start planning for my return on Monday. I've been talking with my sub all along but this will be it. Although I start teaching Monday, I will begin working as soon as I am done this blog post.

The extra tears and emotion are really getting to DH. He just got a job with a nice raise and asked me if I thought we could now afford for me to take off the rest of the school year and I'd just start fresh in September. As nice as that would be, we can't. My job has the health insurance and we need health insurance with the baby. Also I'd be giving up almost half my salary and while we *could* do it, we'd have to buckle down and have no extras. Plus, who's to say that it would be any easier in September? She'll be doing a whole bunch of new stuff that I won't want to miss. So I have a new plan.... win the lottery and I can take off the remainder of the school year and buy private insurance or go on COBRA. What do you think? Wish me luck!

Back to work soon...

How can I leave this face? HONESTLY. (and that is so not even her cutest picture) I go back to work on Monday.... 6 days.... I cannot even imagine how that is going to work out for me. I've been extra emotional this week and I think it has to do with my impending return to work. Oh, I know she'll be fine. My first week back she's staying with family and then I have my February vacation. But after that, the first morning at daycare, I see being a real struggle for me. The daycare we've chosen is great. Amazingly clean, and the people are so sweet. They keep saying how blessed they are to have her. I know she'll be in good hands... they just won't be my hands and that's tough. I am trying to come to peace with the fact that even though they won't be doing things my way, it doesn't mean it is the wrong way.

When I was getting ready to give up control of my classroom to my long term sub I had some anxiety about that too.... her not doing things my way but you know what? It's good for the kiddos to see another style of teaching especially since I had 14/19 kids last year in kindergarten as well. When I went to check on them, they were just fine.

I know Miss G will be great and they'll take wonderful care of her, but darn, I am going to miss those little cheeks and her perfect toes, and her smile just after a burp and those little giggles she lets out while she's sleeping, and most of all I'll miss playing with her and cuddling her. We are in a nice flexible routine here and I just cannot imagine going back to my regular routine.