Friday the 13th strikes again!

First of all you should know that contrary to popular belief 13 is actually a lucky number for my husband and I. Our first place together was #13, our address now ads up to 13, it seems each 13th we have good news or something exciting happens. 13 has been a theme in our relationship since the beginning... now on to my post.

Am I pregnant??
Well according to 3/5 hpts yes.....
According to 1 I took Fri. night and one at the doc's office at 4pm Friday, no....

I am up earlier than I have been any other day this week waiting for 8:30 when the answering service goes off to bug my doctor into getting the blood test results...

Let me start at the beginning. As you know, I have been diagnosed with PCOS and both the doctor and RE were unsure if I even ovulate at all. We quit BCP Feb 1 and we've been charting and *trying* to conceive in relation to my chart (I don't even know if charting works for someone with PCOS).

I haven't had a period yet, but that's not unusual. I have been massively crampy though this week and yesterday morning I POAS in frustration. I said to the stick, "if my period won't start you better be positive". And it was. I quickly grabbed another test (yes I have a supply) this one digital. I waited for DH to go to work, I didn't want to get his hopes up before I saw that word. He left, I peed, it said Pregnant. I cried and then left for work. I paced until 8:30 when my Dr. opens (drove the answering service crazy starting my calling in at 8:25 and the Dr finally picking up at 8:45). Made an appointment and left 5 minutes early from school.

The nurse at the Dr. was SO sweet. I was a complete basket case because this was NOT supposed to happen even as much as we want it. I was supposed to need months of treatments and the RE wouldn't even guarantee anything. Well I peed in a cup there and the nurse said she'd be back in 5 to congratulate me. She didn't come back. The Dr. Came in and explained that it was negative and that could mean 2 things....
It's too early and my pee was dilute
OR
I am miscarying

I promptly burst into tears but she was so great. She set me up with blood work which I went and did ON MY OWN! For those of you who don't know me, I have a phobia of needles. It's beyond a fear. My father used to jokingly tell DH that he needed to take me for a shot before he decided to spend his life with me. DH came with my father and I once and he stayed in the waiting room but could hear me. When I emerged tear stained and sheepish he hugged me and said he never understood. I digress... I went by myself and I only cried and panicked a little bit. The lady who drew my blood was so great and chatted with me like I wasn't freaking out. She did recommend I take a valium before I go back Sunday...

Now I am waiting for Dr. Office to open up so I can find out how the blood test went. Positive, I go back Sunday to see if numbers are going up. Negative and.... well we will see. Let's hope for positive. I took another HPT this morning and that was positive so hopefully yesterday was just early for the pee and it will get stronger over the weekend...

He tried....

Last night when I posted I was in the middle of a right good breakdown. I vacillated between hysterical crying and laughter due to my current level of stress. (Yes I did bring about a considerable amount of stress upon myself...) Well DH wanted to go out to the mall and pick up some things and I refused to leave the house so he called his mother and they went out together...

He came home with a flourish of "I got you a present..." I smiled because I was trying to be nice and make up for my craziness just hours before. He pulled out a giant book called Skippyjon Jones for my classroom. He laughed out loud telling me it's about a Siamese cat who thinks it's a Chihuahua. He was right it was hilarious and we laughed as we read it to Patek because he is siamese.

I love children's literature. My master's is in ECE Literacy and that is my certificate area for NBPT. After we finished giggling over the antics of Skippyjon he said he got me another present but this one was for the house. and he pulls THIS out...

I just stared at him. I was trying to be nice but honestly- a book about being pregnant to read to our unborn child? And that is just how he presented it to me... "honey you can read this to the baby as soon as you know you're pregnant. It's our baby's first book." (Actually Walter the Farting Dog was our baby's first book but I think my mother donated it to the library after she read the phrase "rectal flatulance" and decided she didn't want those to be the baby's first words)
I thanked him for the book but with a real ache in my heart. I know he was doing something kind and nice for me and trying to cheer me up but it left me this empty feeling and pervasive sadness thinking about how this book will be old and dusty before I'll ever get to read it to anyone but us...

Stupid Time Change

I have not been out of bed before 6:30 once this week. You might not think that's a big deal but there have been days where I am actually at school at 6:30 in the morning. For some reason the time change has really thrown me for a loop and I just can't deal.

I've been grumpy, teary, overwhelmed and just feeling crappy. I am sure the fact that I've been off BCPs for 7 weeks, had no period and am going through hormone withdrawl in addition to DH being sick and there only being 2 weeks left before I submit my NBPTS portfolio have nothing to do with it.

I am just a sour pickle and am going to get back to work but I needed to acknowledge my crappy mood in writing and now I am going to try to leave it here on Blogger (please don't pick it up- I hope it's not contagious) and cheer up for tomorrow. On Friday my class is having pajama day so I know I will have a good day Friday- how can you not smile wearing your jammies to work?!

Eye of the Tiger

Is the song DH is blasting on his iPhone right now as I post. I love that song, it is filled with strength. When I was little our old home had a half wall which housed my parents' boom box and it was always cued up to Eye of the Tiger which I could sing in its entirety when I was 3. Now I can play it perfectly both on the drums and guitar (not at the same time) in rockband! Good times.

Looks like baby making is on the back burner for now as I alternate between feeling the mood of Eye of the Tiger and despair. DH's second CT scan came back yesterday and things aren't good. They are telling us he has lesions on his liver (he doesn't drink BTW), has a hernia and a thickening of his colon (perhaps TMI?) and NONE of those explain the extreme pain he has been in for 3 days now. Now we have to wait out the weekend while his doc decides what the next steps are. Looks like surgery is in DH's not too distant future. This has been the longest week of my life and the most worrysome.

Today I am going to work on a happy post just for my own sanity and mental health....

What a couple of days

It's been an emotional couple of days worrying about DH and trying to get him quality health care. Yesterday, the ER was a process at best. The doctors were nice but they couldn't figure anything out and I felt useless and upset.

Today we went to DH's real doctor. I absolutely love that man. If his office wasn't an hour away from our house I would go to him. He actually listens to everything we say, he asks insightful questions, has a great sense of humor (and the best ties), and always makes us feel like he has a handle on what is going on. Today was no exception. He has ordered further tests and gave a probable diagnosis that is manageable. When I left and immediately Googled the diagnosis on WebMD it sounded just like what he's going through.

Tomorrow my father is doing to take DH to the test so I can work one day this week. It wouldn't be a big deal but one of my student's moved and tomorrow is her last day and I feel the need to be there to say goodbye and wish her well. I am lucky to have such supportive parents and I am hoping by noon tomorrow We will know what is up with DH and what our next steps are. For now, I am content and I will hopefully get a full night's sleep. That is if the new kitten (Patek) lets me sleep past 3am. :-)

Emergency Room Visit

I've had no time to think this week let alone blog or communicate with anyone and today, tomorrow and Friday were supposed to be the busiest days of the week.... until I was forced to take a time out.

There I was, sitting in the hallway with one of my students this morning. I had a half day sub to get all my report card testing done. We were going over the numbers to 100 when a PARENT who sometimes subs in the office came down. She saw me testing and bent down next to me and said (in NOT a whisper) you husband just called the office. I laughed because he NEVER calls the office, I always have my cell on me. I asked "Why is there something wrong?" and she replied "he's on his way to the emergency room but he said you didn't have to go." (Do you see what is wrong with this picture- first of all a PARENT took the call in the office not even school personnel, second she told me bad news IN FRONT OF A CHILD). Without a word I got up and walked into my room. I know my student was wondering what my problem was but I had to find my cell phone and talk to him and see what the hell was going on. My cell was in the car.

In about 10 minutes I did subplans for the entire day, got someone to take my drama class (40 kids whose parents were unreachable!) and headed to the hospital. On the way there I saw an accident but that just meant I was able to fly to the E room to see him. I got there and was brought up to speed and opened up my calendar so I could call work and cancel meetings/appointments/clubs for today. When I opened it up all my calendar info for today and tomorrow were blank. I KNOW I had at least 5 things a day planned but for the life of me it was blank.

I am taking my blank calendar as a sign (I am sure it's just a tech glitch but I need a sign) that I need to take the next few days and help DH to get better. I need to remember what is important and that is him and our family, small as it is. It is hard for me to let go at work especially with report cards, and nbpts but I NEED to be here.

Also they didn't even diagnose him with anything. They told my husband who had a BAG OF MORPHINE in him and was STILL doubled over in pain to go home and see if anything changes. He is sleeping right now and I am doing the pacing he wouldn't let me do at the hospital and hoping things change for the better, not the worse or else it will be a long night in the ER because next time I am not leaving until I have answers.

Show and Tell

This week I am participating in Mel's Show and Tell. Click here to see what others are showing!


I woke up this morning and DH smiled at me and said "Happy Adoption Day!" We went and picked up our new kitty this morning. :-)

At the shelter he was super friendly, showing his belly and going straight into the carrier. Now that he's home he is much more shy and hiding under DH's bureau. The puppies are being kept downstairs until he adjusts. We are looking for a name for our new guy- any suggestions?!