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We've been having chats about fertility since I was diagnosed with PCOS but had really put TTC on the back burner as we processed this new information/speed bump. We have been to our doctors, an RE, and classes at the local hospital. We haven't actually had an official "what we're going to do" talk. We had agreed to go on BCP until April when we would begin treatments with the RE but the RE made that recommendation and now DH and I have more information and it was time for us to reevaluate what is right for us. Hence THE Talk.
THE Talk was scheduled for Saturday but in true *T* fashion I simply couldn't wait. I offered to take DH out to a restaurant with adult beverages (aka liquid courage) Friday after work to discuss this weighty topic. I knew being at home would be too emotional and the distraction of being in public would help me stay calm.
2 margaritas into the night I asked him to tell me his thoughts. He took my hands and with all seriousness said "we will do whatever it takes to get a little baby, anything that you are comfortable with, but I need to know when we are going to put this behind us and begin living our life again." He let me come up with the deadline (4 years- now until September 2013) and I understand and was almost relieved to have a deadline in mind too. He's right- we need to say at some point that God didn't mean for us to bring children into this world even with the medical technology he's provided. If in 4 years we still don't have a child then it will be time to move on and begin accepting that our family is going to be us and all the dogs we can possibly love. And that will have to be ok. He did say that if by chance it just happens after 4 years we will be THRILLED, just in 4 years it will need to not be the focus of our life.
My part of the talk was more trying to hammer out things about logistics and trying to settle our religious beliefs with our desire for a child and what is too much for me. I think we have a plan in mind now but the saddest part of the chat was when we realized maybe we'd have to Google "how to get pregnant." because clearly neither of us knows how! lol we had a good laugh over that and I DID Google it the next day and today I am glad to say we are officially back on the babymaking train again. Happy February 1st!
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Last Night's Posting...
I've gotten some interesting responses to my post last night and I'd like to respond.
First of all I am not going to apologize for my feelings about the news story about the Octuplets. I can feel mad, sad, jealous, outraged- my feelings are my own and they are what they are based on where I am in my life right now and the experiences I have had just as your opinions are your own as well. That being said...
I think of fertility treatments as science and it is something I view extremely seriously. I see fertility treatments as a lifesaver for couples (or a woman on her own who has thought through her options) battling with a heart wrenching journey to have children. In my opinion they are for people who want children and for whatever reasons are unable to have them the old fashioned, fun way without medical/scientific support. So (here it is) I do not believe that fertility treatments are best used for convenience.
"Geez I would really like to have a baby in May because that's just a great time to be pregnant" or "I'd like to have a large family and wouldn't it be easier to do in one fell swoop?" I do not believe that is the purpose for fertility treatments. I know that people may disagree with me but that is what I believe. I think that people who have NOT been told that they are broken and can't create life on their own even though that is all they've ever lived for, believe fertility treatments are for. In our instant gratification world some people are even trying to make having children and families a convienience and I am not sure that's God's plan for us. I know it is not His plan for me. Maybe I am wrong, but then I will answer for that with Him on Judgement Day.
Each woman and family needs to make their own decision but I couldn't let it stand that my opinion of yesterday was being challenged. I respect the woman who had the Octuplets decisions, and hope she made the right choice for her, her family, and the welfare of those babies but I don't have to agree with it or be happy with it and I am entitled to say that I am sad and jealous and shocked.
*This has NOTHING to do with selective reduction by the way-that's another post for another day but just FYI it's not something I'd ever be able to do but that's just me*
First of all I am not going to apologize for my feelings about the news story about the Octuplets. I can feel mad, sad, jealous, outraged- my feelings are my own and they are what they are based on where I am in my life right now and the experiences I have had just as your opinions are your own as well. That being said...
I think of fertility treatments as science and it is something I view extremely seriously. I see fertility treatments as a lifesaver for couples (or a woman on her own who has thought through her options) battling with a heart wrenching journey to have children. In my opinion they are for people who want children and for whatever reasons are unable to have them the old fashioned, fun way without medical/scientific support. So (here it is) I do not believe that fertility treatments are best used for convenience.
"Geez I would really like to have a baby in May because that's just a great time to be pregnant" or "I'd like to have a large family and wouldn't it be easier to do in one fell swoop?" I do not believe that is the purpose for fertility treatments. I know that people may disagree with me but that is what I believe. I think that people who have NOT been told that they are broken and can't create life on their own even though that is all they've ever lived for, believe fertility treatments are for. In our instant gratification world some people are even trying to make having children and families a convienience and I am not sure that's God's plan for us. I know it is not His plan for me. Maybe I am wrong, but then I will answer for that with Him on Judgement Day.
Each woman and family needs to make their own decision but I couldn't let it stand that my opinion of yesterday was being challenged. I respect the woman who had the Octuplets decisions, and hope she made the right choice for her, her family, and the welfare of those babies but I don't have to agree with it or be happy with it and I am entitled to say that I am sad and jealous and shocked.
*This has NOTHING to do with selective reduction by the way-that's another post for another day but just FYI it's not something I'd ever be able to do but that's just me*
Friday, January 30, 2009
Parental Controls (Internet Restrictions) for the Infertile
DH believes I should have restrictions on what I can view (read obsess) about on the internet. I tend to read, read, read on a subject (usually PCOS or fertility related). Sometimes I become educated, sometimes I become sad, sometimes I become indignant...
This week my internet reading has been about the lady who had octuplets. My first thought was, WOW that is amazing- WAY more kids than I can handle, but good for her and her husband to have a family after what was probably a long journey on the road of IF. Then the story broke that she already had 6 children of her own. I've been a little upset (read obsessed) with their story since then. Now I have no idea what the truth is but it seems to be the consensus in all the stories that the family does already have 6 children of their own. Now I am not usually one to judge and NEVER one to speak out about it but COME ON. I dunno I feel badly even writing this but I've had some liquid courage tonight (DH and I had our baby planning talk a day early- more to come on that tomorrow) and I am just mad that I can't even have one and some people have 14!!!!!!!!! Not only that but the fertility "experts" are all talking about the situation and many people who are uneducated are posting/publishing about how fertility treatments are bad and ignorant and lead to a litter of babies everytime.... I am just frustrated.
Ok time to put myself to bed, I am moving from the giggly phase to the pissed off phase very quickly- see this is when DH's internet controls would come in handy.
This week my internet reading has been about the lady who had octuplets. My first thought was, WOW that is amazing- WAY more kids than I can handle, but good for her and her husband to have a family after what was probably a long journey on the road of IF. Then the story broke that she already had 6 children of her own. I've been a little upset (read obsessed) with their story since then. Now I have no idea what the truth is but it seems to be the consensus in all the stories that the family does already have 6 children of their own. Now I am not usually one to judge and NEVER one to speak out about it but COME ON. I dunno I feel badly even writing this but I've had some liquid courage tonight (DH and I had our baby planning talk a day early- more to come on that tomorrow) and I am just mad that I can't even have one and some people have 14!!!!!!!!! Not only that but the fertility "experts" are all talking about the situation and many people who are uneducated are posting/publishing about how fertility treatments are bad and ignorant and lead to a litter of babies everytime.... I am just frustrated.
Ok time to put myself to bed, I am moving from the giggly phase to the pissed off phase very quickly- see this is when DH's internet controls would come in handy.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Snow
There is so much snow. Our snowbanks at my personal house are over my head. It's pretty crazy. I don't think we even have space for more snow, but that won't stop Mother Nature I am sure!
We were out cleaning up tonight- DH snow blowing and myself cleaning up small areas with a shovel when he came and snow blowed me a little fort! :-) I know that wasn't quite his intention but I thought it was the perfect fort actually. That is when I was reaffirmed that being an elementary teacher was the right calling for me. I was reminded of all the forts my dad used to dig out for me when I was a kiddo. I sat in the fort by DH for a few minutes and then it was back to work. Can't wait until we have our own kids to play in the forts that I know my husband will make for them!
I guess the snow isn't ALL bad.
We were out cleaning up tonight- DH snow blowing and myself cleaning up small areas with a shovel when he came and snow blowed me a little fort! :-) I know that wasn't quite his intention but I thought it was the perfect fort actually. That is when I was reaffirmed that being an elementary teacher was the right calling for me. I was reminded of all the forts my dad used to dig out for me when I was a kiddo. I sat in the fort by DH for a few minutes and then it was back to work. Can't wait until we have our own kids to play in the forts that I know my husband will make for them!
I guess the snow isn't ALL bad.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Terrific Tuesdays
It's been a few weeks since I've remembered to blog about terrific Tuesdays!
For those of you visiting from ICLW: It's so easy to get bogged down in the worry, emotion and stress of fertility challenges. I have set aside Tuesdays each week to write about all the things terrific that have happened in just that one day. No matter how bad my day was (and today was a doozy) there are always some terrific things I can write about! :-)
Today was terrific because:
I had a really nice dream last night and woke up feeling peaceful and relaxed.
I woke up to find that I had guessed correctly on a blog challenge!! See the post below for more information.
School was actually quite good, the kids were following directions, we got to play outside and I got everything done that I wanted to accomplish with the kids.
It looks like we will be having a snow day tomorrow! (I really don't want one because it messes up when the 100th day will be BUT I could use it for my mental health)
Today was terrific for lots of reasons!
For those of you visiting from ICLW: It's so easy to get bogged down in the worry, emotion and stress of fertility challenges. I have set aside Tuesdays each week to write about all the things terrific that have happened in just that one day. No matter how bad my day was (and today was a doozy) there are always some terrific things I can write about! :-)
Today was terrific because:
I had a really nice dream last night and woke up feeling peaceful and relaxed.
I woke up to find that I had guessed correctly on a blog challenge!! See the post below for more information.
School was actually quite good, the kids were following directions, we got to play outside and I got everything done that I wanted to accomplish with the kids.
It looks like we will be having a snow day tomorrow! (I really don't want one because it messes up when the 100th day will be BUT I could use it for my mental health)
Today was terrific for lots of reasons!
YAY ME!!!
I won!!
This morning I woke up to this lovely comment:
WiseGuy said...
This morning I woke up to this lovely comment:
WiseGuy said...Let me cheer you up a bit....you have won!
Don't know what I am talking about? Check this out:
http://ovulationticker.blogspot.com/2009/01/along-came-t.html
You had submitted your guess for my photo show and tell, and you came out with the perfect answer! Cheers!
HOORAY!!! I NEVER guess anything right- and that was before my first cup of tea!! Thanks WiseGuy :-)
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Hot Tub Confessions
My mother calls her hot tub "truth serum". That's because for some reason both she and I just seem to spill all of our secrets once inside. Each time I enter the warm bubbles, I do so with a renewed sense of strength that THIS time I won't let my mouth get me into trouble.... once again I was defeated.
Each Sunday we go to my parents' house for family dinner. They began this tradition about a year ago and it's really nice. DH and I go early and we play a couple hands of cards and then my sister and her husband come and we catch up. Tonight was no exception but I wanted to go in the hot tub.
DH doesn't really like the hot tub so it was no surprise that he declined but my mother volunteered. I was determined not to get myself into trouble and began our chat about her and what she's been up to. That was pretty good then she started asking me about all the different things I've been involved in this year and it popped out that I took on so much so I could avoid having to deal with my PCOS and infertility. She once again began the barrage of "but shouldn't you just keep trying? Is the doctor SURE you don't ovulate? What if you just relaxed??"
Now I love my mom but it took all of my self control to make it out of our hot tub session with my emotions in tact and a level head. I cried the whole way home and DH says he and I will talk about all things baby next Saturday. It's always NEXT Saturday. He is saying that maybe he does want to just keep trying even though he knows that our RE says I should try the Clomid this spring. He also brought up the potential for losing his job and my district is merging so there's no telling what could happen there. I am just beyond frustrated and upset about all of this. AUGHHHH Why can't my body just be NORMAL of ovulate every 28 days and then I can have a baby like a REGULAR woman. THIS is why I took on so much because I can't deal with the emotions and stress.
*Sorry for the vent*
Each Sunday we go to my parents' house for family dinner. They began this tradition about a year ago and it's really nice. DH and I go early and we play a couple hands of cards and then my sister and her husband come and we catch up. Tonight was no exception but I wanted to go in the hot tub.
DH doesn't really like the hot tub so it was no surprise that he declined but my mother volunteered. I was determined not to get myself into trouble and began our chat about her and what she's been up to. That was pretty good then she started asking me about all the different things I've been involved in this year and it popped out that I took on so much so I could avoid having to deal with my PCOS and infertility. She once again began the barrage of "but shouldn't you just keep trying? Is the doctor SURE you don't ovulate? What if you just relaxed??"
Now I love my mom but it took all of my self control to make it out of our hot tub session with my emotions in tact and a level head. I cried the whole way home and DH says he and I will talk about all things baby next Saturday. It's always NEXT Saturday. He is saying that maybe he does want to just keep trying even though he knows that our RE says I should try the Clomid this spring. He also brought up the potential for losing his job and my district is merging so there's no telling what could happen there. I am just beyond frustrated and upset about all of this. AUGHHHH Why can't my body just be NORMAL of ovulate every 28 days and then I can have a baby like a REGULAR woman. THIS is why I took on so much because I can't deal with the emotions and stress.
*Sorry for the vent*
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