Emotional Health

I don't think I ever honored the effect that a diagnosis of IF and PCOS had on my mental health. I am constantly amazed at just how detrimental that was to my self concept and my happiness...

Today I went to my OB and new PCP for the first time. It was an appointment wiht the OB nurse but I did meet the doctor, and the nurse treated me like I was "normal." She did not understand the magnitude of what we've been through emotionally to get to this point, nor did she understand my anxiety over the sketchy answers I was given at my last doctor's office. it was so nice to have a nurse have hope and faith in me.

We went over the prenatal blood work I had done and she said everything was fine (PHEW) but then I asked her what my hCG number was and if it was still climbing appropriately and she said they didn't even give me a pregnancy test they just assumed I knew what I was talking about. I immediately began to panic because although I've had all the symptoms my old doctor was not confident. When she called to "confirm" she said, well teh numbers went up. I asked "Does that mean I am pregnant?" she said "yup" (VERY unenthusiastic) and so I asked "can I get excited?" and she said "yup" (also unenthusiastic). It was such a let down. It almost felt as if they didn't want me to be pregnant. They told me I couldn't and that they couldn't help me and refered me to the RE and when I went to confirm the pregnancy they were unenthusiastic and it felt as if they were reluctant to give me the blood work after the urine test at 4:00pm (when I was only 4 weeks along) came back negative. They were detrimental to my mental and emotional well being in relation to my fertility. I am so glad to be done with them.

Because I was panicking after I left the Dr.'s office I went and bought another HPT and peed on it as soon as I got home (ironically at 4:00 today) it said pregnant almost immediately so I relaxed and let the nausea wash over me. I just simply cannot believe how my FORMER doctor's office treated this whole situation. I am so relieved to be working with a doctor who has hope for the future of my family and said a BIG congrautlations upon meeting me today. I cannot wait to go back in 12 days and 12 hours to hear the heartbeat. I barely held it together today talking about the schedule of appointments and what I need to do, I will be a basketcase (but in a good way) on heartbeat day. Hoping for a strong one- then people at work can know and I can stop trying to suck in my stomach wherever I go and can embrace the fact that my pants are tightening at an alarming rate.