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Then I should have begun my period today. Instead my FF says that perhaps I am fertile again due to my temps. I am feeling really frustrated about this whole charting thing, I don't even understand what it should look like and what I am waiting for. I have had minimal fluctuation in temps ;the biggest one coming with my new thermometer (which I had to buy when my dog ate the first one) But seriously... does temping even WORK for someone with PCOS?!
DH and I want to try to do things as naturally as possible and from all the reading I've done the first step is learning my cycle. I am just really frustrated and perhaps I joined FF too soon because it's just giving me hope when I have no right to have hope at this point. And the worse part is, the closer it gets to the period FF thinks I *should* have the more obsessed I become with every little thing happening with my body.
Aughhh I am frustrated today. Thank goodness tomorrow is Friday. This weekend we are going out though with one of our many pregnant couple friends. I jokingly said to DH that I will be sharing a pitcher of margaritas with H and he got mad saying she was pregnant but that was my whole point. Then I get to drink them all.
Showing posts with label PCOS. Show all posts
Showing posts with label PCOS. Show all posts
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
Hi ICLWers!
Welcome back for another exciting month. I have been participating in ICLW for three months and each month I find lots of new blogs I enjoy reading. I hope you enjoy what you see here. Just some background on me and I hope you'll be back later in the week when I have more interesting things to write about. :-)
DH and I got married July 2007. We wanted to wait a year before TTC but we decided when BCPs ran out at the end of March 2008 that we'd just see what happened. Well what happened was not what we thought....
I didn't get a period at all. I couldn't believe our luck. I was convinced we were pregnant right away. That's what all my parents friends told me for stories. It didn't help that I also gained some weight around that time too. I took many HPTs but wasn't daunted by the negatives- they show false negatives all the time I told myself. Well I went back to the doctor early May to find out what was going on. She took a blood test to check and see if I was pregnant and some other vials to check my hormone levels. About 4 days later the doctor called me herself!!! I took a deep breath ready for her to congratulate me...
There I was standing in my classroom (I teach kindergarten) watching my students out at recess. I was smiling out at them as she told me that not only was I not pregnant, she suspected I had something called PCOS which she told me is the leading cause of infertility among women my age. I sat down and just cried. I remember writing down the acronym and the number for the RE she was going to set me up with. I wasn't even able to call DH right away. My students came in and I got it back together but it was the hardest day of my adult life so far. All I wanted was for the kids to go away so I could do research and then there was the call to DH to make.
I made it through the day and DH was great once I talked with him. We finally got into the RE who is going to help us but it hasn't been easy... and it isn't feeling like it's getting much easier now. I am learning about my body and what PCOS means for me. DH and I took some time off from TTC and went back on BCPs at the advice of our RE but we have abandoned them for now and are trying to learn about my cycles and to find out if I can even ovulate naturally. We are headed back to the RE in April or May to start clomid rounds. Until then, DH and I are doing all we can!
Thanks for reading today. Now you know where I am coming from and where we are hoping to go. I hope you'll come back and visit again! :-)
DH and I got married July 2007. We wanted to wait a year before TTC but we decided when BCPs ran out at the end of March 2008 that we'd just see what happened. Well what happened was not what we thought....
I didn't get a period at all. I couldn't believe our luck. I was convinced we were pregnant right away. That's what all my parents friends told me for stories. It didn't help that I also gained some weight around that time too. I took many HPTs but wasn't daunted by the negatives- they show false negatives all the time I told myself. Well I went back to the doctor early May to find out what was going on. She took a blood test to check and see if I was pregnant and some other vials to check my hormone levels. About 4 days later the doctor called me herself!!! I took a deep breath ready for her to congratulate me...
There I was standing in my classroom (I teach kindergarten) watching my students out at recess. I was smiling out at them as she told me that not only was I not pregnant, she suspected I had something called PCOS which she told me is the leading cause of infertility among women my age. I sat down and just cried. I remember writing down the acronym and the number for the RE she was going to set me up with. I wasn't even able to call DH right away. My students came in and I got it back together but it was the hardest day of my adult life so far. All I wanted was for the kids to go away so I could do research and then there was the call to DH to make.
I made it through the day and DH was great once I talked with him. We finally got into the RE who is going to help us but it hasn't been easy... and it isn't feeling like it's getting much easier now. I am learning about my body and what PCOS means for me. DH and I took some time off from TTC and went back on BCPs at the advice of our RE but we have abandoned them for now and are trying to learn about my cycles and to find out if I can even ovulate naturally. We are headed back to the RE in April or May to start clomid rounds. Until then, DH and I are doing all we can!
Thanks for reading today. Now you know where I am coming from and where we are hoping to go. I hope you'll come back and visit again! :-)
Friday, January 30, 2009
Parental Controls (Internet Restrictions) for the Infertile
DH believes I should have restrictions on what I can view (read obsess) about on the internet. I tend to read, read, read on a subject (usually PCOS or fertility related). Sometimes I become educated, sometimes I become sad, sometimes I become indignant...
This week my internet reading has been about the lady who had octuplets. My first thought was, WOW that is amazing- WAY more kids than I can handle, but good for her and her husband to have a family after what was probably a long journey on the road of IF. Then the story broke that she already had 6 children of her own. I've been a little upset (read obsessed) with their story since then. Now I have no idea what the truth is but it seems to be the consensus in all the stories that the family does already have 6 children of their own. Now I am not usually one to judge and NEVER one to speak out about it but COME ON. I dunno I feel badly even writing this but I've had some liquid courage tonight (DH and I had our baby planning talk a day early- more to come on that tomorrow) and I am just mad that I can't even have one and some people have 14!!!!!!!!! Not only that but the fertility "experts" are all talking about the situation and many people who are uneducated are posting/publishing about how fertility treatments are bad and ignorant and lead to a litter of babies everytime.... I am just frustrated.
Ok time to put myself to bed, I am moving from the giggly phase to the pissed off phase very quickly- see this is when DH's internet controls would come in handy.
This week my internet reading has been about the lady who had octuplets. My first thought was, WOW that is amazing- WAY more kids than I can handle, but good for her and her husband to have a family after what was probably a long journey on the road of IF. Then the story broke that she already had 6 children of her own. I've been a little upset (read obsessed) with their story since then. Now I have no idea what the truth is but it seems to be the consensus in all the stories that the family does already have 6 children of their own. Now I am not usually one to judge and NEVER one to speak out about it but COME ON. I dunno I feel badly even writing this but I've had some liquid courage tonight (DH and I had our baby planning talk a day early- more to come on that tomorrow) and I am just mad that I can't even have one and some people have 14!!!!!!!!! Not only that but the fertility "experts" are all talking about the situation and many people who are uneducated are posting/publishing about how fertility treatments are bad and ignorant and lead to a litter of babies everytime.... I am just frustrated.
Ok time to put myself to bed, I am moving from the giggly phase to the pissed off phase very quickly- see this is when DH's internet controls would come in handy.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Hot Tub Confessions
My mother calls her hot tub "truth serum". That's because for some reason both she and I just seem to spill all of our secrets once inside. Each time I enter the warm bubbles, I do so with a renewed sense of strength that THIS time I won't let my mouth get me into trouble.... once again I was defeated.
Each Sunday we go to my parents' house for family dinner. They began this tradition about a year ago and it's really nice. DH and I go early and we play a couple hands of cards and then my sister and her husband come and we catch up. Tonight was no exception but I wanted to go in the hot tub.
DH doesn't really like the hot tub so it was no surprise that he declined but my mother volunteered. I was determined not to get myself into trouble and began our chat about her and what she's been up to. That was pretty good then she started asking me about all the different things I've been involved in this year and it popped out that I took on so much so I could avoid having to deal with my PCOS and infertility. She once again began the barrage of "but shouldn't you just keep trying? Is the doctor SURE you don't ovulate? What if you just relaxed??"
Now I love my mom but it took all of my self control to make it out of our hot tub session with my emotions in tact and a level head. I cried the whole way home and DH says he and I will talk about all things baby next Saturday. It's always NEXT Saturday. He is saying that maybe he does want to just keep trying even though he knows that our RE says I should try the Clomid this spring. He also brought up the potential for losing his job and my district is merging so there's no telling what could happen there. I am just beyond frustrated and upset about all of this. AUGHHHH Why can't my body just be NORMAL of ovulate every 28 days and then I can have a baby like a REGULAR woman. THIS is why I took on so much because I can't deal with the emotions and stress.
*Sorry for the vent*
Each Sunday we go to my parents' house for family dinner. They began this tradition about a year ago and it's really nice. DH and I go early and we play a couple hands of cards and then my sister and her husband come and we catch up. Tonight was no exception but I wanted to go in the hot tub.
DH doesn't really like the hot tub so it was no surprise that he declined but my mother volunteered. I was determined not to get myself into trouble and began our chat about her and what she's been up to. That was pretty good then she started asking me about all the different things I've been involved in this year and it popped out that I took on so much so I could avoid having to deal with my PCOS and infertility. She once again began the barrage of "but shouldn't you just keep trying? Is the doctor SURE you don't ovulate? What if you just relaxed??"
Now I love my mom but it took all of my self control to make it out of our hot tub session with my emotions in tact and a level head. I cried the whole way home and DH says he and I will talk about all things baby next Saturday. It's always NEXT Saturday. He is saying that maybe he does want to just keep trying even though he knows that our RE says I should try the Clomid this spring. He also brought up the potential for losing his job and my district is merging so there's no telling what could happen there. I am just beyond frustrated and upset about all of this. AUGHHHH Why can't my body just be NORMAL of ovulate every 28 days and then I can have a baby like a REGULAR woman. THIS is why I took on so much because I can't deal with the emotions and stress.
*Sorry for the vent*
Friday, January 23, 2009
Weekend
The weekend has arrived and I am glad. I have been living for the weekends lately...
The plan for this 08-09 school year was that I was going to take things easy, not sign up for too much and enjoy being married. Then I was diagnosed with PCOS and plans changed. I am NOT good when things are wrong and I have lots of free time on my hands. That is time to worry and get anxious. I am really the only person I know who can't handle free time when things are off. My coping skill is to take on other commitments so I do not have to dwell. I signed up for a committees, to facilitate drama club, to work on my National Board Certification and to teach a course at a local college. Now I am stressed out about all things TTC AND everything I haave signed on for. I am so looking forward to May 20th when all my comitments have come to an end and I can start enjoying life and stop living for the weekend.
I really am going to give free time a try- DH and I talked about my taking the summer off to relax and focus on getting my body as ready for a baby as possible, or hopefully to take care of my body and the baby I am growing! Until then.... I am just glad it's the weekend and I can spend time with DH and doing things of my choosing.
The plan for this 08-09 school year was that I was going to take things easy, not sign up for too much and enjoy being married. Then I was diagnosed with PCOS and plans changed. I am NOT good when things are wrong and I have lots of free time on my hands. That is time to worry and get anxious. I am really the only person I know who can't handle free time when things are off. My coping skill is to take on other commitments so I do not have to dwell. I signed up for a committees, to facilitate drama club, to work on my National Board Certification and to teach a course at a local college. Now I am stressed out about all things TTC AND everything I haave signed on for. I am so looking forward to May 20th when all my comitments have come to an end and I can start enjoying life and stop living for the weekend.
I really am going to give free time a try- DH and I talked about my taking the summer off to relax and focus on getting my body as ready for a baby as possible, or hopefully to take care of my body and the baby I am growing! Until then.... I am just glad it's the weekend and I can spend time with DH and doing things of my choosing.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
I'm Baaaaack
:-) And glad to be here. I really haven't gone anywhere for the past week, I've just taken the week to retreat inside myself. My stress level has been off the charts and the last thing I could handle was being chipper on my blog. If you don't have anything nice to say.... take a break from blogging.
I did post a couple of times about some of the stress but have recovered *mostly* and am back to my old self. I think with 2009 arriving a lot of things I had been hanging my hopes on had suddenly arrived. This month I was supposed to begin teaching nights at a college, my national board work has been kicked in to over drive, I was supposed to begin relaxation (HA!) and acupuncture for my fertility treatments and the kids at school were supposed to be ready to learn (they are ALWAYS ready in January). But so much of that has been put on the back burner for now.
DH (C) and I had a really serious talk this week and it finally has hit home for me. I need to stop committing myself so much. Next year I will not be beginning another graduate degree, I will not be taking on additional certifications or trainings. Next school year I will go to school and come home after my meetings. I will pick 1 or 2 committees I enjoy and feel are making a difference on the school and on children learning. If I am not pregnant in January of 2010 I will facilitate the drama club but as a rule I will leave school daily at 4:00pm.
These changes are for my mental, physical, and relationship health and I am totally on board this time. If I feel myself slipping and wandering towards taking on new initiatives as a way to combat my anxiety about trying to conceive I will talk with my husband and we can work on it together. We are a team and I know he won't let me struggle with the feelings of inadequacy alone.
I did post a couple of times about some of the stress but have recovered *mostly* and am back to my old self. I think with 2009 arriving a lot of things I had been hanging my hopes on had suddenly arrived. This month I was supposed to begin teaching nights at a college, my national board work has been kicked in to over drive, I was supposed to begin relaxation (HA!) and acupuncture for my fertility treatments and the kids at school were supposed to be ready to learn (they are ALWAYS ready in January). But so much of that has been put on the back burner for now.
DH (C) and I had a really serious talk this week and it finally has hit home for me. I need to stop committing myself so much. Next year I will not be beginning another graduate degree, I will not be taking on additional certifications or trainings. Next school year I will go to school and come home after my meetings. I will pick 1 or 2 committees I enjoy and feel are making a difference on the school and on children learning. If I am not pregnant in January of 2010 I will facilitate the drama club but as a rule I will leave school daily at 4:00pm.
These changes are for my mental, physical, and relationship health and I am totally on board this time. If I feel myself slipping and wandering towards taking on new initiatives as a way to combat my anxiety about trying to conceive I will talk with my husband and we can work on it together. We are a team and I know he won't let me struggle with the feelings of inadequacy alone.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Moms...
I had recovered from the Target incident but have still been emotionally shaky this weekend. Went out to lunch with my mom this weekend and a pregnant lady gets sat next to us. My mom, I KNOW she was trying to be supportive, patted me on the arm and assured me "that will be you next Christmas honey." All I could do was nod.
It's like the closer that treatment gets the less emotionally stable I feel. I have had the luxury of living with the hope of these treatments working.... but what if they don't? I don't think I am ready for my hope to go away and to deal with disappointment and the obsession of testing every 28 days. I am just getting nervous that Clomid which we've been pinning all our baby hopes on, may not be the panacea that we are thinking it is...
It's like the closer that treatment gets the less emotionally stable I feel. I have had the luxury of living with the hope of these treatments working.... but what if they don't? I don't think I am ready for my hope to go away and to deal with disappointment and the obsession of testing every 28 days. I am just getting nervous that Clomid which we've been pinning all our baby hopes on, may not be the panacea that we are thinking it is...
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Platitudes
Can I just tell you how sick I am of platitudes?! Meaningless comments that EVERYONE says and they all think it is the solution to your problem. Ohhhhhh no one has EVER told me to "be patient- my baby will come." When you say it, I feel so much better and can go on with my day.
I know people mean well but I am so tired of being told that everything is ok. Basically, no one knows what's going to happen. The doctors have told me it will be incredibly difficult or impossible to ovulate or conceive on my own and that doesn't seem like a "just be patient" situation to me. I know some of them do not understand that, but some of my closest friends and family members still say things like that. I know they mean well but really, it just makes me feel like they have no idea how to talk to me or listen to me about PCOS and fertility challenges.
If one more person says to me, "your day will come", my head may explode!! :-)
I know people mean well but I am so tired of being told that everything is ok. Basically, no one knows what's going to happen. The doctors have told me it will be incredibly difficult or impossible to ovulate or conceive on my own and that doesn't seem like a "just be patient" situation to me. I know some of them do not understand that, but some of my closest friends and family members still say things like that. I know they mean well but really, it just makes me feel like they have no idea how to talk to me or listen to me about PCOS and fertility challenges.
If one more person says to me, "your day will come", my head may explode!! :-)
Monday, December 1, 2008
Coming Out
I think I am nearly ready to come out of the fertility challenged closet.
This is a big step for me since I am a rather private person but I am at the point in my journey of self-discovery and fertility issues where I feel I need support and unfortunately those closest to me may not always be the best ones to offer support. I have been blogging but have not shared my address with anyone for fear that someone I know may find it and judge me.... but now I am over that. I have to be or I am going to crumble from keeping it all inside.
I have begun to participate in a weekly show and tell thread on one of the blogs I frequent and that has gained me some readers- surprisingly I was tickled to find people reading and not embarrassed or anxious like I had predicted. In December I am even hoping to participate in IComLeavWe so I can learn about new blogs to read and make new connections. I am scared out of my mind but am also looking forward to lending support to others in similar situations. I know it's a process but I am proud to say, I am finally out of the blogging/fertility challenged closet!
This is a big step for me since I am a rather private person but I am at the point in my journey of self-discovery and fertility issues where I feel I need support and unfortunately those closest to me may not always be the best ones to offer support. I have been blogging but have not shared my address with anyone for fear that someone I know may find it and judge me.... but now I am over that. I have to be or I am going to crumble from keeping it all inside.
I have begun to participate in a weekly show and tell thread on one of the blogs I frequent and that has gained me some readers- surprisingly I was tickled to find people reading and not embarrassed or anxious like I had predicted. In December I am even hoping to participate in IComLeavWe so I can learn about new blogs to read and make new connections. I am scared out of my mind but am also looking forward to lending support to others in similar situations. I know it's a process but I am proud to say, I am finally out of the blogging/fertility challenged closet!
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Husband of the year
My DH is a candidate for husband of the year... let me tell you what he did for me last night...
AMAZING!!!!!!! I could not have asked for a better husband.
- He accompanied me to the PCOS workshop at our local hospital. He was the only man there.
- While there anytime I got too overwhelmed to ask a question he held my hand and asked it for me.
- He listened to a woman of advanced age describe her vaginal discharge both in looks and smell.
- AND he did it all with a supportive smile upon his face.
- As we walked out together he didn't even complain at all he just held my hand and asked me if I was ok.
AMAZING!!!!!!! I could not have asked for a better husband.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
PCOS- One more step
This summer I was diagnosed with PCOS or Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome. I met with both my doctor, a reproductive endocrinologist and a nutritionist to help get me on the path to baby making! Tonight though DH and I are attending a class called PCOS- What next? And it is supposed to go over all the implications PCOS will have on our lives.
I am lucky- I have what my doctor calls a "mild" case. He believes with hormone therapy I should be able to get pregnant inside of a year, but PCOS has implications for the rest of my life such as insulin resistance, weight gain possibilities, ovarian cysts, annovulation and more. Although DH and I have been learning through books, articles and the internet, it will be nice to talk with other women going through this and to talk with my RE and ask all the questions that occured to me AFTER the appointment.
I am hopeful that we will learn a lot tonight- DH is worried that the evening will end in tears. Well I doubt this meeting will be more upsetting than my school workshop yesterday. When I feel stronger I will share that with you...
I am lucky- I have what my doctor calls a "mild" case. He believes with hormone therapy I should be able to get pregnant inside of a year, but PCOS has implications for the rest of my life such as insulin resistance, weight gain possibilities, ovarian cysts, annovulation and more. Although DH and I have been learning through books, articles and the internet, it will be nice to talk with other women going through this and to talk with my RE and ask all the questions that occured to me AFTER the appointment.
I am hopeful that we will learn a lot tonight- DH is worried that the evening will end in tears. Well I doubt this meeting will be more upsetting than my school workshop yesterday. When I feel stronger I will share that with you...
Sunday, November 2, 2008
IF and Marriage
When I was diagnosed with PCOS and my doctor told me it was the leading cause of infertility in women my age, I was devastated. My world really felt like it was ending and I didn't know what to do. When I told my husband all that I had learned in my 6 hours of Google searching, he was great. I told him that PCOS could mean never having children. I also offered him the opportunity to end our marriage with no guilt....
That guy! You wouldn't even believe it. He took me into his arms and told me nothing would ever make him leave me. That he would be as happy with our family of just fur babies as he would be with a family of real babies. Although I did not believe him 100% I was reassured at the time.
I have been studying about PCOS, talking with my doctor and my RE and DH has been with me each and every step of the way. The thing that I thought had the potential to end our marriage has only made it stronger. I know as crazy as I may get on the hormone treatments or as tearful as I may get each time I get a BFN, he will be there to hold my hand and assure me that he loves me and we will be a family even if it is just the two of us.
That guy! You wouldn't even believe it. He took me into his arms and told me nothing would ever make him leave me. That he would be as happy with our family of just fur babies as he would be with a family of real babies. Although I did not believe him 100% I was reassured at the time.
I have been studying about PCOS, talking with my doctor and my RE and DH has been with me each and every step of the way. The thing that I thought had the potential to end our marriage has only made it stronger. I know as crazy as I may get on the hormone treatments or as tearful as I may get each time I get a BFN, he will be there to hold my hand and assure me that he loves me and we will be a family even if it is just the two of us.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Tears
I had been doing SO well with the whole IF thing but today it's just been really rough. No particular reason but I just have this pervading sense of loss or not being whole. On the car ride home tonight I fought back tears the entire way... I would like to blame it on hormonal imbalance but I started my new BCP yesterday and should be fine...
Maybe it is Halloween approaching, or me trying to over commit myself so I do not have to deal with what I am not doing... I dunno but today I am just full of tears. Like one of my kindergartners says "I just have to get all the water out."
Maybe it is Halloween approaching, or me trying to over commit myself so I do not have to deal with what I am not doing... I dunno but today I am just full of tears. Like one of my kindergartners says "I just have to get all the water out."
Friday, October 24, 2008
Diagnosis
It began back in March when I ran out of birth control pills and we decided not to fill the prescription for a few months to just "see what happens". Well what happened is I didn't get my period- so being the optimist that I am I thought we might be pregnant. Went to the doctor in May and mentioned this and so she gave me some blood tests. About two weeks later the doctor (not the nurse) called with the results...
I answered my phone because it was recess time and was really looking forward to getting news of a pregnancy. What she proceeded to tell me was quite the opposite. In fact what she gave me for a diagnosis, PCOS, is the leading cause for infertility in women my age. She told me she wasn't 100% sure but she would send me to a specialist who would give me more information. Later that day her nurse called and asked "how are you doing hon" at which point I broke down into hysterical tears only to be further upset by the fact that the specialist couldn't see me until SEPTEMBER 25th.
Now for those of you who know me- you know that having a baby has always been my dream. As a child I wanted to have more children than my great grandmother (she had 18). and now the nurses and doctors were telling me I couldn't even have one?
Well as luck would have it I called the RE myself and he got me in for July 21. He confirmed my doctor's Dx but gave us hope. Told us he had lots of success with different medications and that in a year we could hope to be pregnant. C and I left the office that day with hope. I joined a coupld of online chat goups to learn all I could about all of this new information and one thing I noticed was that not a lot of these women had the support of their insurance companies behind them.
I called mine- Anthem- and learned that not only do they not pay for any infertility but they also will not pay for diagnosis of such issues. (they do have full coverage for abortions though but that's a rant for another day). I now feel as though we are back at square one hoping for a baby we may never get and I just feel so inadequate about my body and everything. It has been a very difficult summer and to be honest, the only think I am looking forward to is getting back into the classroom...
I answered my phone because it was recess time and was really looking forward to getting news of a pregnancy. What she proceeded to tell me was quite the opposite. In fact what she gave me for a diagnosis, PCOS, is the leading cause for infertility in women my age. She told me she wasn't 100% sure but she would send me to a specialist who would give me more information. Later that day her nurse called and asked "how are you doing hon" at which point I broke down into hysterical tears only to be further upset by the fact that the specialist couldn't see me until SEPTEMBER 25th.
Now for those of you who know me- you know that having a baby has always been my dream. As a child I wanted to have more children than my great grandmother (she had 18). and now the nurses and doctors were telling me I couldn't even have one?
Well as luck would have it I called the RE myself and he got me in for July 21. He confirmed my doctor's Dx but gave us hope. Told us he had lots of success with different medications and that in a year we could hope to be pregnant. C and I left the office that day with hope. I joined a coupld of online chat goups to learn all I could about all of this new information and one thing I noticed was that not a lot of these women had the support of their insurance companies behind them.
I called mine- Anthem- and learned that not only do they not pay for any infertility but they also will not pay for diagnosis of such issues. (they do have full coverage for abortions though but that's a rant for another day). I now feel as though we are back at square one hoping for a baby we may never get and I just feel so inadequate about my body and everything. It has been a very difficult summer and to be honest, the only think I am looking forward to is getting back into the classroom...
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